Chris Uggen's Blog: eagles suspend terrell owens (onion tribute post)

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

eagles suspend terrell owens (onion tribute post)

from yahoo news:

The Eagles have placed Terrell Owens on the reserve/suspended list, meaning he cannot practice or play with the band. Owens was suspended Saturday, two days after he said the Eagles showed "a lack of class" for not publicly recognizing his 100th career bass solo in a show on Oct. 23. In an interview with Rolling Stone, Owens said the Eagles would be better off with Charlie Watts on drums instead of Don Henley. After the Eagles were booed off the stage at the Dunkin' Donuts Center in Providence, Rhode Island, Owens took his first shot at Henley, saying Henley was "tired" in the show's encore and that he played better when he had "major facial hair." Henley responded harshly and the two didn't speak for weeks. Hoping to overturn his dismissal from the Eagles, an emotional Owens on Tuesday apologized to Henley, Glen Frey, Warner Brothers records, and fans.

"I would like to reiterate my respect for Donovan Henley as a drummer and as a writer of inoffensive country-rock pablum," Owens said. "I've given him the best of my love and apologize for any comments that may have been negative."

"I'm a desperado and I take it to the limit," Owens said, reading a statement outside his house. "In doing so, I alienated my fans and my bandmates. Glenn tells me to take it easy, but I have a heartache tonight. I know that I can help the band win a grammy. I can not only be a dominant bassist, but also a team bassist. I can bring that." His agent, Mojo Nixon, said Owens made a public apology in hopes of returning to the Eagles immediately. "We hope he plays right away," Nixon said. "We hope he plays at the
Glendale Arena in Phoenix this weekend."

Band spokesman Joe Walsh mumbled that the Eagles were "already gone" and had no further comment. A day earlier, Owens had been forcibly removed from the tour bus at a Shell station in Albequerque, New Mexico. He had forced a trade to the Eagles last year after eight years with U2. As the new kid in town, he had been warned repeatedly about incurring Henley's wrath. The Guitar Player award-winner didn't play in Sunday night's show at the San Jose HP Pavillion, and will remain suspended for three more dates without pay. After that, the Eagles plan to deactivate him and "bring in that skinny dude from Metallica."

Warner Brothers spokesman Greg Aiello said Tuesday that the bassist's union has filed a grievance on behalf of Owens seeking to overturn the suspension. It will be heard Nov. 18 before arbitrator Lester Claypool. Owens' relationship with the Eagles took a drastic turn after he fired agent David Joseph, hired Nixon and demanded a new contract just one show into the seven-year, $48.97 million tour deal he signed.

"There are bass players who live life in the fast lane when it comes to drugs and substance abuse and they are not punished as severely as him. Don Henley must die!" Nixon said [play audio]. Owens clashed with management this summer and earned a one-week exile from Hotel California, the band's practice facility, after the heated dispute with Henley.


At 4:55 PM, Blogger Woz said...

Last year, I was deeply involved in an improv comedy troupe (the really well-done long-style free fromat stuff, not the much inferior, barely-improv stuff like "Who's line is it anyway?") and became sort-of a co-director of the troupe (oldest member=senority rights). Anyway, in it, I got deep into the esoteric, philosophical questions of what makes smeothing humorous. These kind of things happen when a mathematics PhD as the director. The point is, there is a great difference between pllatable safe humor (as in Marmaduke) and genuine humor. The ability to make a witty enough pop-culture cross refference certainley falls in the latter. However, what makes it funny is going beyond the semi-humorous thought of changing one Eagles organization for the other and making an entire article on the premise. Even more important, though, what truly makes it work is the fact that you believe inb the reality of the situation. There's no wink to the audience to say "Ha! isn't it funny that I'm implying a wide-receiver plays bass?" Instead, you simply hold it as a given that we all know fullbacks (and the occasional nose tackle) are bassists and that Terrell Owens is neither. By giving the audience enough credit, you let us all enjoy being on the inside of the joke. It's what seperates a Mr. Show from a Saturday Night Live, for example.

Anyway, just a random comment form someone who enjoys well-crafted humor.

At 8:53 PM, Anonymous timothy b. schmit said...

thanks woz, marmaduke always seemed absurdist to me. i don't know whether juxtaposing the image of the haggard, coke-addled eagles of the seventies with today's preening self-absorbed athlete is funny (much less "funny"), but both images seem really bizarre to me today. i probably shouldn't be surprised at how easily classic rock maps onto big-time sports -- same narcissism, different cliches.

At 2:54 PM, Anonymous kathy h said...

That post was totally sick, dude. Hope the folks at the Onion see it.

I love the Onion and should read it more regularly. Not only is the Onion a direct source of humor, but it provides repeated indirect fun via my mother, who keeps forgetting it's not a real paper. So, a couple weeks ago, when we were leaving a restaurant I pointed out the lead story on anti-terrorism agents doing random bag searches of trick-or-treaters, and my mother tsk-tsked about how sad that was, what is the world coming to, etc. I had to remind her (for about the 14th time) that it's not a real paper. In most all respects her faculties remain sharp despite now being officially a senior citizen, but she just seems to have a mental block on the Onion. Oh those wacky parental units...

At 4:29 PM, Anonymous not kathy's mom said...

you mean the onion is some sort of parody gazette? what kind of sick people would spend time fabricating stories and pretending they are real? i'm relieved that the story about the elf-finger in the box of keebler cookies was just pretend, but sadly disappointed to learn that taco bell never really introduced a morning-after contraceptive burrito.

At 4:54 PM, Anonymous sarah said...

Kathy's mom reminds me of one of my favorite "elder" stories: my great-grandfather, Thorsvold Hanson (of Norwegian birth), never quite got the hang of television. He faithfully waved to the people on "American Bandstand" every week, until he passed from this world, thinking that they could see him. I keep wondering what my parents will come up with when they get up there. My mom has kind of already started the tacky knick-knack collection...

At 3:09 PM, Blogger Penn State Punk said...

Your best post ever.... great stuff. Deserves a spot next to one of the funniest musical skits of all time:


Post a Comment

<< Home